a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
