so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
