What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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