The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
