sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
