YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
