So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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