Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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