Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
should my penis look like a turkey
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
