Are we in a gay sports bar?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
