garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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