What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
