Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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