The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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