here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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