Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
