Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
