oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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