woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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