got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
