I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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