I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
