So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
