My sheets look like a crime scene.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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