hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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