I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think your dad took our porno
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
