i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
