I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
