I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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