I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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