Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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