The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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