some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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