I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
