remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
