He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
