Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
