My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
