Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
