Sry I called you an 8
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
