I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
