D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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