i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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