What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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