it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
