I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
