dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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