just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
