Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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