i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
