i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just found puke in my bra..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
