i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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