He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The best revenge is premature balding
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
