shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
