P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
