Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
