Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And then he peed in my hair
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