So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
