I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
