when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
