I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
