And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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