Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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