Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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