a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
