Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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