oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
