I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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