??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
