Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
