i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
