I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize