my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
