I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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