help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
