I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
