I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
