you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
