That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
