just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
