It's Friday. Sex?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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