It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
