Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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