my text book just quoted the cookie monster
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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