i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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