I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
