i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize