she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
