halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
