I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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