I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
