Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Boobs are out for the taking
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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