Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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