Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
