How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
