it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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