My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize