I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
