so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
