I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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