Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize