it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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