So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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