Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
