she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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